lean in – motherhood

from today’s meeting:

1. feelings of shame surrounding choosing your career over choosing your baby, or choosing how to manage time to fit your family in

2.  the idea that one woman (doctorate) said she decided not to have children because she grew up with the mentality that you can only have one or the other, not both.

3. choosing who takes over your mat leave position, empowering them to make decisions, do not be afraid that they will do a better job than you.  because if they do, you know you taught them that. do not be afraid that you won’t have a job when you come back.  two of the women received higher roles than the person who took their mat leave when they came back to work.

4.  the problem/concern regarding breastfeeding and rearranging mat leave time with your spouse when your baby is still dependent on you

5.  how men have few support groups, the idea of “mr. mom”, and not being able to relate with female mother groups as much as these groups may be ready to include them because of discussions on breastfeeding etc.

6.  being pregnant during an interview.  by law, you do not have to disclose you are pregnant.  when you are in your first trimester esp, when no one can see that you are pregnant, and there are so many unknown factors as to getting through the first trimester (miscarriage etc), it is entirely your business that you are pregnant and no one else’s

7.  stay involved with work life every two to three months when on mat leave.  call in and check in with how things are doing.  show your boss you are still there, you still care about your work.  mat leave is very isolating.

8.  those at work in a position of power can welcome their mat leave employee to bring their baby to work.  or invite them out for coffee every once in a while to catch up.

9.  if you help hire the next person on for your mat leave, you can stay available either via phone/text/email to help answer questions.

10. do over worry.  you will figure something out.  as much as there is to be concerned with juggling, the rewards of motherhood are great.

11.  those who have been in an interview while pregnant, one woman felt zero guilt at not disclosing her pregnancy as she also didn’t know whether or not there would be any surprises with the 90 day probation.  if they don’t take her on, then they won’t know.

12.  getting promoted while pregnant is very rewarding.  keep going for those dreams and goals.  that’s what lean in is about. it’s about leaning in and still pursuing what you want.  don’t give up just because you’re pregnant and think you won’t make as good an impression as the next person being interviewed.

13.  discussion about millenials not seeming to want to work, but also pushing for a different culture where you can work remotely, and still be engaged.  one of the members there talked about a mother who was very up front about being pregnant during her interviews, but because her work was remote, and these were US companies she was interviewing with (who were eager for a new, fresh perspective), she was basically able to research things at times where people were at dinner etc.  it doesn’t matter what time one gets up to do things as long as you are getting things done.

14.  you also want to be up front about what you won’t be doing.  ie. if you are not going to be travelling as much.  if you need to work only monday to wednesdays.  you have to find a way that works for you and your baby.  but you also do not want to be so available that when you come back, you’re expected to work all odd hours of the day.

15.  there will always be judgment whether you choose to have kids, or not. whether you take mat, whether you extend it.  etc.

16.  18 months full pay coming up on EI for babies born as of December of 2018.

17.  one woman started a forum for women in hospitality launching this may!  the first of it’s kind since the 80s.

18.  it’s not legal to ask about kids during an interview.

19. the idea of sending christmas cards to clients about your family……. do destigmatize the idea of motherhood taking away from anything – to show that family is an integrated part of your lifestyle.  not to be afraid to talk about your children. or occasionally bring them into work.  that when you child is sick and you need to take time off,  that is your day off and you consider a sick day.

20.  be up front about what you are willing to do for the job if it includes travelling etc.