When Boyfriends Teach.


We had a really unexpected week day date this evening.  He had won a pair of live theatre tickets a month back, and the only day we were able to watch it was today – a Monday night showing.  After dinner, with the sun still up and shining, he held my hand and we walked to the theatre – it was that conveniently close to his place.  I asked him about his day.  And then I told him about mine.

I had a moment of resentment today.  Why, he asked.  I said I don’t like it when my boss asks me to photocopy things for him.  I want to be more than the printing assistant!  He came in with two stacks of paper that were stapled, asked if I could copy it, and then scan it to him.  I took out the staples with my staple removal with a bit of a vengeance.  (I mimed out how harshly I ripped that staple out while we continued strolling).  I think my boss saw it too…

He burst out laughing at this.  And then he said to me, you have to have tolerance.  I told him I want to be more.  I want to do big things and achieve great things.  He said you need tolerance to do that.  And humility.   He said this very gently, for which I am grateful. Because if he had said it harsh, I would have bitten that with even more resentment.  But because he was non judgmental in his advice, he gave me room from which to think a bit about that word.
The type of men I have most appreciated, the types of memories that they have given that I cherish the most is when they teach me something.  Like when one of them put spare change right into the hands of a man cuddled up in a dark doorway.  And another one who asked me if I would be ok if he gave his box of steak leftovers to someone homeless.  Would I be ok?  Of course I would be…  Most of these moments happen in the most singular and private moments.  No one would ever see or hear or know that side of them.  That one moment of disclosure, of gentleness, and of soul.  It happens in a very honest and open space of conversation, unobstructed by crowd, noise, off hand humour, and the need to impress.  It’s generally a one on one moment.

I need tolerance to achieve great things?

I guess I can add gratitude to that.  My two cents.

Maybe I should engrave these two thoughts into a piece of jewelry or something.


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