My Mid Life Crisis But Earlier

That’s what he calls it.

And it may the source of a lot of anxiety built up in my everyday life right now.

“What do you have to do today?” he asks.  My typical response is “figure out my life”.  To which he goes, “oh.”

I don’t know if it’s just me constantly not finding the answers to things and getting super worked up about it, or that I’m just naturally very prone to stress – and even more naturally prone to not dealing well to stress.

I had another panic attack last night.  I held it in.  My mouth shut tight, trying not to let the emotion escape lest they erupt into an on slaughter of complaints and tears.

I pulled from the memory of a meditation book I had reopened just the night before.  I’ve really been feeling the need to teach myself how to deal with my anxiety, especially as it has been mounting.

It says: The third step is to investigate the emotion.  Instead of running away from it, we move closer, observing it with an unbiased interest.  In order to do that we need to take a moment, not only to refrain from our usual reaction, but also to unhook from the object of the feeling.  Our usual reaction when we’re caught up in a strong emotion is to fixate on its trigger or target, saying to ourselves: I’m so mad at so and so that I’m going to tell everyone what he did and destroy him rather than examining the emotion itself.   When we’re neither pushing away from a negative situation nor wallowing in it, we can respond with a new form of intelligence rather than with the same old knee-jerk reaction.  Often it’s not a matter of solving problems; sometimes a problem dissolves when you shift your relationship to it in a particular way.”

It helped.

Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation.  By Sharon Salzberg.

Let-Go (1)

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