I didn’t have a good day today. Spent the last few hours of the evening watching ellen on youtube to cheer myself up. And then somehow, I landed up in a different set of interview clips, and I recalled Jacqui. I searched her video with Oprah, and to my surprise, relocated it.
As I have gotten older, I find that I get increasingly emotional with other people’s stories. Their pain, and their misfortune. To the point that I do feel like I should find a therapist. That there is a problem with feeling the way I do, collapsing, even.
I feel this video was the earliest instance of this happening. The first time I watched it, I broke down. It was first year, and I was in my cubicle of a dorm room. Within a few minutes of this clip, I pushed my chair back, stepped out of my room, and went over next door to find the girl in the neighbouring room. I didn’t even know her that well. But she was kind, and I liked her. I knocked.
When she opened the door, she had obviously just come out of the shower. She was surprised, and stood in the doorway with nothing but a towel around her. I took a quick step back, thinking to leave and give her privacy. She asked what was wrong. I struggled to hold back the tears. I told her I needed a hug. With zero hesitation, she gave me a swift, strong hug. Shortly after that, she ended up switching dorms. I missed her as a neighbour.
Jacqui is someone I try to remember on days I get down, and I have brought her to my mind for almost 10 years now – on those bad days. She is, truthfully, one of the most profound stories that has ever entered my heart. And on any day that I struggle, I ask myself to think of her. How can I complain. Look at what people fight through. Look at what they fight for. She has it so hard. Is she complaining?
I get ashamed. And so I push through. This interview never gets easier to watch.