Jacqui.

I didn’t have a good day today.  Spent the last few hours of the evening watching ellen on youtube to cheer myself up.  And then somehow, I landed up in a different set of interview clips, and I recalled Jacqui.  I searched her video with Oprah, and to my surprise, relocated it.

As I have gotten older, I find that I get increasingly emotional with other people’s stories.   Their pain, and their misfortune.  To the point that I do feel like I should find a therapist.  That there is a problem with feeling the way I do, collapsing, even.

I feel this video was the earliest instance of this happening.  The first time I watched it, I broke down.  It was first year, and I was in my cubicle of a dorm room.  Within a few minutes of this clip, I pushed my chair back, stepped out of my room, and went over next door to find the girl in the neighbouring room.  I didn’t even know her that well.   But she was kind, and I liked her.  I knocked.

When she opened the door, she had obviously just come out of the shower.  She was surprised, and stood in the doorway with nothing but a towel around her.  I took a quick step back, thinking to leave and give her privacy.  She asked what was wrong.  I struggled to hold back the tears.  I told her I needed a hug.  With zero hesitation, she gave me a swift, strong hug.    Shortly after that, she ended up switching dorms.  I missed her as a neighbour.

Jacqui is someone I try to remember on days I get down, and I have brought her to my mind for almost 10 years now  – on those bad days.  She is, truthfully, one of the most profound stories that has ever entered my heart.  And on any day that I struggle, I ask myself to think of her.  How can I complain.  Look at what people fight through.  Look at what they fight for.  She has it so hard.  Is she complaining?

I get ashamed.  And so I push through.  This interview never gets easier to watch.

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