this morning when i stepped on the scale, i weighed 129.4.
it is liberating to say this number.
i have struggled with this area of weight over the last two years. i discovered some amazing extreme diets, falling ten pounds in ten days, looking better than i ever had, only to end back up here on my more normal days. this is the comfort weight that my body is currently at- where i can eat until i am full, where my body feels satisfied. the part to wrestle with – is where and when will my mind, and my heart, feel satisfied.
i felt very happy this morning. i observed my undressed and dressed image in the mirror. i looked myself in the eye and smiled. i was comfortable today, despite having hated and despaired over this exact number for so long. i put on some make up, pulled over myself a new shirt i had bought myself the week of my birthday. put on a pair of old sneakers, and i felt attractive.
i have been working out consistently- running – 2 to 4 times a week over the last 4 weeks. my body feels strong. i feel happy.
i went out for a starbucks. and i had mcdonalds’ take out for lunch.
with red wine. (while watching maid in manhattan – a movie i can never finish no matter how many times i have tried. because it bores me.)
i am not ashamed. it’s been a beautiful saturday morning.
i think this is called self love.