so i came across a couple social experiments this evening on youtube. it’s about online dating and the difference between how a man would react to a woman who didn’t look like her profile pic, vs. the other way around.
i was really touched by the version where the women met the guy (and surprised her by looking 100 lbs heavier than his profile), because ultimately, the women were more forgiving. and as surprised as many of them were, the majority of them didn’t get out of their seats. they hung around. they talked. an in doing so, they left a door open for both themselves and for the guy to a second date.
for the most part, i think i have given a lot of people chances during the time i was single. the people i dated were of different races, different professions, different pay grades, different education, different values, different upbringing, different financial situations. i think the one thing that stuck out to me the most was family dynamic. i come from a loving family. there were things that were harder to deal with if i dated someone who had had a very rough relationship with one of their parents growing up. here, there were more things that needed to be dealt with, more skeletons in the closet, more emotions brushed aside. and more emotions that needed to be tended to.
i recall a time in my life where people would suggest interest in me, and i knew they gave up before they even tried. they thought – oh, she would never go for me. and there were actually a fair number of people in that category that i would definitely have given a chance to see where things go if they had just said the word. but they never asked. and i may not have had a big enough inclination to reach out to them, so then – nothing would happen.
for sure, those that i was interested in – i told them. i sought that opportunity.
but that’s the funny thing. our self esteem puts us out of the race in so many different areas of life before the race even began.
i think the only people i ever said no to were those who didn’t “feel” right. just zero relate-ability (is this a word) on a personal level.
and some of them – there was this sense that they were very – i dunno- horny. to put it bluntly. and i had to say no to that. those guys scared me. but there were a lot of genuinely nice people around me who i really would have been willing to spend more time with. ah well. that’s all in the past now.